Well today marks 119 days of zero nicotine for me. Here’s hoping for many more days, months and maybe even years if I’m lucky, yes lucky. Damage has already been done. I had been putting nicotine and thousands of other dangerous chemicals into my body daily and for about 43 years now, so yes I will be very lucky for a few more years.
December 17, 2019 was my final day of smoking cigarettes – For nine days leading up until that day I used a smoking cessation product called Chantix. This Chantix helped immensely with curbing the desire for cigarettes. However after the initial few weeks I parted ways with Chantix because I was experiencing very strange dreams and needed to get some sleep somehow – still not that easy by the way.
I really wish I could have used this experience to help others. I wish I had magic words, but I know just like me before I decided to finally quit .. NOTHING I can say will convince anyone (even those I love) to give up smoking. This is an intensely personal decision. No matter how much you might want to please the person who’s pleading with you to stop you know deep down that the addiction is stronger.
It’s really not funny but I find myself chuckling at some of the absurd thoughts that kept me smoking. I actually believed that smoking provided me with the much needed excuse to interrupt conversations with family/friends/coworkers and step away to smoke. I have since found out that I didn’t need to interrupt the conversation at all – yes I can endure an entire visit without having to step away. It’s enjoyable in fact. The need to step away was my addiction to nicotine – my brain somehow skewed the chemical withdrawals and resulting “fix” (smoking) into a positive experience (getting away from unwanted settings). So absolutely laughable. Only it’s not funny.
The first couple of days brought extreme cravings. The anger, sadness and frustrations lingered on for weeks and up until a few months (so far), emotions that are/were hard to rein in.
I also experienced serious clarity of thought (wherein something you were doing or saying was totally NOT cool) — If you happened to be unlucky enough to encounter me during this my “clarity of thought” moments, I’m sorry, just sorry. I just hope there are real medical explanations that have to do with nicotine being abruptly removed from the body and mind after having been there for 43 years, that will induce this type of behavior, thus rendering me completely blameless.
Wanting to end on a high note and knowing how easy that will be, let me continue.
I am enjoying the increase in energy that I haven’t felt in a very, very long time. I am enjoying NOT coughing from the moment I wake up in the morning until the time I go to bed at night. I am also enjoying personal and business related phone calls uninterrupted by coughing fits. Most of all I am enjoying the freedom that comes with not having to feed an addiction every 20-50 minutes. I’m happy that I no longer stand in the cold rain or snow inhaling chemicals that serve only to enslave me and then kill me. And finally, I’m feeling a little more welcome wherever I may go – there are signs for people with addictions, warning them to keep their addiction away from all other patrons – usually 25 feet from the building. These signs no longer apply to me and it is a pleasant feeling.
This, just scrapes the surface of all that is good about quitting smoking and I’m sure that I will be writing about this again soon.